


The Guilty Party

by JohnAmendAll



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-05
Updated: 2012-09-05
Packaged: 2017-11-13 15:37:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/505045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JohnAmendAll/pseuds/JohnAmendAll
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's the only way to end a detective mystery. Gather all the suspects in the drawing room and reveal the murderer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Guilty Party

Harry Saxon drew himself up to his full height.

"Ladies and gentlemen," he said, and paused momentarily to reflect on just how sexy he must look in his dinner jacket. "As you know, a few days ago Lady Amanda Bowles was murdered. Tonight, I can exclusively reveal to you: One of the people in this room is the killer."

He walked slowly around the circle of aristocrats and servants.

"Was it her daughter, Georgiana? Her estranged husband, Lord Simon? Maybe it was Doctor Bechendorff. Perhaps Lady Amanda was nasty to her maid Beatrice one too many times. Doesn't she look put-upon? Awww." He chucked the maid under the chin and continued his perambulation. "Could it be that Major Tankerton knows more than he's saying? Or perhaps, after all, it was the butler who did it."

He returned to his place in front of the fireplace.

"But, in a sense, it doesn't matter," he concluded. "I knew it was one of you, so I poisoned all your drinks. In about thirty seconds, you'll all be dead, and so whoever did the murder will have been punished for his or her loathsome crime."

Lord Simon Bowles mopped his brow. "You can't be serious," he said hoarsely.

The Master's only answer was to pull a small white gadget from his pocket and press a button. As the air filled with sounds that none of the listeners recognised as the Scissor Sisters, he made his tour of the circle again. Not walking, this time, but dancing.

"' _Wake up in the morning with a head like "What ya done?"_ '" he sang. "' _This used to be the life but I don't need another one..._ '"

One by one, as he passed them, the inhabitants of Linden Lodge collapsed to the ground, unable to do anything but grovel before him as they died.

"' _Rather be home with no-one if I can't get down with you!_ '" the Master concluded, finishing his dance routine with a neat little jig. "There you are, Inspector Galbraith. Done and dusted. You may now applaud me." He narrowed his eyes. "Why aren't you applauding?"

"You just murdered all those people in cold blood!" The Inspector backed away, his eyes filled with horror. "You'll get life for this, Saxon, I swear."

"Life? I've got one already." The Master pulled out his laser screwdriver, and moved it in a circle. The Inspector's still-beating heart tumbled out of the freshly-cut-and-cauterised hole in his chest. "Try death instead. I'm told it does wonders for the figure."

He waited a little to see if any of the corpses had an answer for him. On finding that they did not, he pouted.

"You people are never satisfied," he told them, and stalked off.


End file.
